Late night bus

The last bus to Waupelini leaves at 2:30 am on Saturdays and Fridays. And its so because the apparent culture here is that people drink and booze on these nights. So they have late night buses. They can cater to the boozing people but not the more sincere ones who like to read late in the night at their office. Anyways from past few weeks I have made a point to catch this last bus. And on Saturday I finally managed to talk to an American girl.

Not a great thing to write about. The bus stop is crowded with rowdy people all making a lot of noise. Sometimes I feel scared. Not that anybody would heckle me or mess with me, but it feels so different and intimidating at first. I have been on this bus three times now but I still feel uncomfortable. Strange same people would be polite at one time and aggressive once boozed out.

So the bus arrives and a lot of people are in queue to get into the bus. While anybody is dressed in their party wares, I am in my pyjama and inners whose sleeves showed from my half sleeves T-shirt. And if that wasn't enough I am also carrying a school bag. Anyways keeping all these inhibitions to myself, I swipe the card and enter the bus to find a seat. I can't find a seat with someone 'quite'. So I insert myself by the window seat. Soon a group of three girls appear and look around and one of them sits by me. They look drunk. Not sure. But I am more nervous now. I look outside to comfort myself. But constant appearance of 'such' people does not allow me to look outside.

She finally said 'Hello' and I replied hiding all my nervousness. She asks if I was going home. I confirm that. She asked where do I study. I can't here that. She then points to the bag and asks a little louder. I replied 'IST'. 'Its a nice building' is her opinion. She is talking something to her friend which I can't hear. Probably about someone at the back of the bus. Meanwhile my stop arrived and she bids me 'Good Night'. I replied ' Same to You'. Could not come with anything better like ' You too'. Same old and out of context expression that I give every-time. 

I plan to continue this routine. I guess no better chance to get over that fear. And no better chance to talk to someone.

Never felt at home before

Yes I never felt more at home here after coming here early August last year. May be because the workload is lesser. But it was that way at the starting of the semester. Something has definitely changed. I don't miss my family as much. I do not cry anymore. Sometimes my eyes well up. But its not as bad as last semester, when I would go sobbing to the classes sometimes. 

Anyways what matters is that finally I am at peace at last.

LEFT EAR out of service

It happened again. My left ear has left me high and dry again. Something is really wrong with it. Last December when I was returning home my both the ears were blocked. Thanks to US airways, I began to listen something when I got down at London. My Uncle only know how painful it was for him to get those big wax balls out of my ears even after nearly 2 weeks daily dosage of drops. Even the nurse found it funny that I was behaving like a kid. But my Uncle can be brutal sometimes. But then all Doctors are that way.

The only respite is I am able to hear from my right one. And partially from my left as well. Got to get some medicine from CVS.

Are you GAY?

Let me put this very clear. I am not GAY. But this happens very frequently, especially late nights here. So I finally shaved. After almost 2 and half months. The big face with all that black beard transformed into a sharper and a much smaller face. Of course I managed to retain my fairness and the cleft was also pretty much there. But somehow I liked the bearded look more.

It wasn't possible unless ten people in one day reminded me that my beard was going out of control. Not words were not exactly these but meant the same. Just the other day I heard JEHAD somewhere close to the IST. And then there were screaming police cars near my home that day, not for me but for someone else. I decided before I get into some unwanted trouble I better find that razor. It makes more sense now that spring has arrived in its glory here and so have the beautiful american girls.

So its Saturday night and I decide to romp to IST to check some emails and of course the IPL. I stay there for 3 hours and then decide to take the 1:20 am bus back. As I walked past the deserted streets, I was approached by two American men. They looked drunk. One of them asked me 'Where is your girl?'. I replied "No girl'. As we were crossing he remarked "Are you GAY?'. I am surprised and coaxed into the answer 'NO!!!!'. He did not bother to look back. I guess he was actually gay. May be not. Oh its too complicated. But he managed to put a smile on my face. That's what I care about. 

TA sucks

Its the truth of the grad life. TA sucks. Big time. Taking all the shit from the undergrads everyday is tiring. If that's not enough the chapta boss is after my ass everyday. God how would these two weeks pass, especially with exams around the corner. I know I would again screw up, though not badly enough.

Undergrads do whatever they like. They would send obnoxious emails sometimes, threatening something really catastrophic. Some are nicer but buttering. Today I met someone who would have given me 100/100 on TA evaluation. Crazy isn't it. The chapta would hardly give me 50. Some are annoying. They would show up frequently.

Anyways I am just bidding time now. I really do not care about this work any more. I know I would get plenty of work suddenly, with a small deadline. That's life and I opted for it.

IPL

So I admit. Its been nearly nine months but still I can't give up on my childhood love. Yes cricket. Now even more with the IPL. Yes cheerleaders but now its even more spiced up. All the hype and hoopla is just too mouth watering to leave. I am just crazy for watching the highlights on google. Again google. How much I hate to love it. But anyways. I am hooked till May 24 th.

Free Dinners

So I have not cooked since last ten days. I have been eating mostly at my friends places now a days. I go home late. And then I am too tired to think anything. Then I mostly sleep.

So its another late night at office. I catch the bus around quarter to ten in night. I meet a friend of mine whom I play badminton with. We are like banter buddies and try to out think each other just as we do in badminton. He is a post Doc. I think much older than me. He owed me five dinners as I beat him and his friend in a doubles vs singles match. Again in lighter vain. But he invited me over to his house. And prospect of another free dinner is just too mouth watering.

He is an exceptional cook. He made good DAL and the BHARTA was awesome. Though never liked it when Mamma made it but then things are different now. He goes to Pittsburgh often so he had plenty of rotis. I did not have such a satisfying meal for a long time now. Last time I guess when I was in India in December.

Interestingly his roomy thought that I was a Sardar. May be because of my thick beard. But I clarified that I wasn't. Not that he really cares. But still.

After the dinner I had good conversation with the host. He is obviously much wealthier than me in terms of the experience and the amount of things he has seen in life. He chatted from the train blasts in Mumbai to the current elections in India and why Advani was his favourite and why did he hated Sonia Gandhi so much. After a long time I met someone with extremist views against Muslims which I consider rare. He told me that I was just too cool and open minded for my age. May be that's because of my father or my ignorance I really can't decipher that. 

The litchi juice was awesome too. I then he even dropped me off at my place in Southgate. So much for the dinner but the guy's hospitality was a relief of sorts. Goodness still exists.

Still do not know her name

How much time does it take to name a child? Its been like 15 days since she was born and I still do not know her name. I mean I can't figure that out. I think I got a name after 1 or 2 days MONU. Yeah never liked it. And particularly got embarrassed at school if any of my friends came to know of that. Still remember I was called MONU until I entered Nursery. Mamma and Papa gave a new name GAURAV only after the insistence of the Sisters in my day care told them I should have a new name. I think they only suggested that I should be called GAURAV in Nursery. Thanks to them otherwise I still would have been MONU. MONU GUPTA!!!

I mean this is the height of searching names. There are millions of them available in this world. Come on give her some pet name. So that I can write something about her. 

Cold NIght at NIttany

Balaji has extreme cold and cough this week. Sharing a room with such a person could be really painful. Firstly he is not the cleanest person in the world and secondly his cough is like the sound of a trumpet. Last few nights I woke up 2 to 3 times when he coughed. Sleep is such a precious commodity for me and when someone really wakes you up like that, it really pains even more badly.

So Tuesday night the cough was at its loudest. Can't really figure out if it was real or faked. But any ways I got some sleep in wee hours of morning. Sleep deprivation does not help in anyway and I am down for count for the whole day. So next day I decide to spend the night at my friends place in Nittany. The friend is a nice person, gives food, juice and the most important the guy talk. Long hours of work with hardly any talk with any one is tiring to say the least. But when I am with him, all the usual undergrad stuff comes out in full glory. From guy talk to hurtling abuses at anyone. Its like a time of a lifetime.

So I call it a day and go to sleep. But the room is cold. He puts on the heater for like 2 hours and then shuts it off. I ha some sleep but most off  the time it was cold and uncomfortable. Home is home I thought. No matter how much I hate Balaji but it is MY HOME. My mind is tuned that why now. Can't really blame my buddy, he has his own reasons. Heat is not free in Nittany. But I guees chasing comfort everywhere has become my thing.

So in the morning I race back home to snuggle in my warm bed.

Homesick

So the blues are back again. Just changed the wall paper on my laptop from a scenic beauty to photo of my parents and Sonu. The picture is fantastic with a water fall in the background and Sonu's mischievous smile. God!! really miss this now. Used to dread that some years ago. You just could tell from his face that he is up to something really nasty. But now I think he might have matured. I would always miss his baby years. 

Do not know how Mamma and Papa look now. I guess a little older now. I always call Papa when I freak out. He just soothes every thing out. And last few days, I really had a lot of pressure from my boss, Mamma has been doing my healing everyday. And of course Sonu has been helping me through the problems of the second mid term. Its really not much worth staying in this place, when you have a family like that. 

My cousin brother Achin and Nidhi have a daughter now. Today was her name ceremony. So she like the next generation in our family, my Mamma'a side. Just waiting for her photographs. Double motivation for waiting for December now.  

The beautiful lady at SUBWAY and the Jalpenoes

So another day at office without any lunch from home. People enjoy Rajma Chawal but trust me after a while the home feels like a prison of sorts where you only get one type of food day in day out. Can't really remember when was the last time I cooked them. I guess this Monday. That's it. Rest of the time kept eating the bread and butter. And gained at least an inch around the waistline. 

So I am hungry like a dog on Thursday afternoon. So after a mandatory TA hours and serving some of the clueless undergrads, I decided to go to my only place in emergency, THE SUBWAY. Being a veg is like a curse here. Just exaggerating a bit. You could go to the HUB, but its like an eternity when you are hungry. So SUBWAY it is.

Its again crowded at the SUBWAY. I finally get my turn and order a VEGGIE MAX. After all the order for the servings on the footlong, I am waiting for my order. The girl serving the the vegetables on the footlong is really beautiful. And as usual I am staring at anything that is worth it. Not that I really like that I am like that all the time but sometimes. I think 7 out of 10 times I guess. Her facial features are sharp and she has this seriousness about her. Not like the regular ones, who are friendlier and chatty. She goes about her business very formally. You know sometimes its not the person's looks but their style which is very attractive.

So I am staring at her. I mean not the way people do in Delhi. Its more subtle. Odd stare of 10 seconds very 20 seconds. Exaggerating a little. There's not much time actually. But you get the idea. My footlong is ready and hot and she asks me for the dressings of vegetables. As usual lettuce, tomatoes, onions. Newer names that I recently learnt are olives and peppers. And of course Jalpenoes. What is Jalpenoes? Who cares if a beautiful lass is serving you. No puns intended.

So our lady grabs and puts all the jalpenoes she could with her beautiful hands. GG is now thinking what an afternoon. Honey Mustard please. That's it. The customer is more than satisfied for the 5$ price.  So I go to a corner and start munching the footlong. Munching!! What the hell? The jalpenoes. As three of them passed into my stomach, there's a fire of sorts. I resisted, but as I gobbled the rest of the dish my stomach really began to shout for fire brigade. The seven or eight jalpenoes really lit every part of middle body. Its not unbearable but its not comfortable as well. As I began to leave, I turned to look at the beautiful lady again. Still confused, if that was in agony or the old Delhi boy stare.  

Nothing to write about

Its Friday again. A relief day of sorts. Checked a mid term. Prepared a grade report. Had an exam. Again screwed it up of sorts. Total blame on the teacher. Without any inhibitions. Did not submit the project. Got a week's extension. Adviser finally agreed to my proposal to start my thesis work in summers, though without any funding. And slept like a horse in the HUB.

Nothing strange. After a cool undergrad, I found the graduate school here petty tough. Week is all heavily loaded. Slight blink and costly miss for sure. The Chapta was after my ass since last week and I virtually stopped checking my mail for past few days. His emails are threatening to say the least, they are obnoxious. No element of politeness. Just damn orders every time. Not that I really care but still a little bit of understanding and soft words would make both of our lives easier. After nearly seven months, I really realized what's it like being a TA. Thanks to him. But still I don't like him one bit.

Balaji is down with something. Stopped speaking to him for good now. Just bidding my time to get my own room in three months now. Reduced the rent to 200$. Jagadish is extremely pissed at something with me. I need to ask him why. God!! he is my only little support that keeps me breathing. Otherwise sometimes I feel that I am tipping off. God save me from doing anything really bad to myself.

I finally figured out why I write here. Perhaps to release all the pent stuff. Or perhaps I do not know. Or perhaps I like Google's spell option so much, that sometimes I intentionally make mistakes. See my mental state. Sometimes I feel, I would be a schizophrenic some day. 

Sorry but I can't really help much. My mental state is really bad. Just can't figure out how to smile and be relaxed.