Orange Vanilla Sundae

A long day yesterday. Did not go home on Thursday. Did not sleep well. Did not go on lunch with Lab mates. Adviser kept me waiting till 1:15 for the meeting. He drops ideas like changing clothes everyday. Gosh he appears a creep to me sometimes. Moved around in the Red Link. Tell you its route is REALLY long. 

After the meeting disgusted me completely, I just wanted to get out of the office. It was hot in the room and I was really tired and down. Nobody  likes to change of topics by the day. So I wondered around the campus to see the Arts Festival. Nothing special. All the things are highly priced. The most unique and interesting caption that I saw was "VICTORIA"S SEXTION'. Being a foodie I tried to find the things I could gorge on. Strawberry Smoothie was good although 4$. They played nice music in the central park. Then I went to sleep in the nearby garden. Tell you six hours of sleep is great and life seems to be difficult the next day when you do not get that. 

Enough of sad story. Now the good or the delicious part. Yep the orange vanilla sundae. The server told me that it would not feel good in the cone and gave me in the cup. At first I was annoyed of missing out on con but the taste was so good and romantic(yeah so many american girls to stare at!!) 

Missing my family dearly

There comes a time in life when whoever you are or how much tougher you may be, situations and troubles in life bring you down on your knees. That's what I have been feeling of late. I am just getting weird dreams of my parents, especially Mom. She always comforted me with her sweet and simple words. Even her email in morning brought tears in my eyes. I wish I could just meet them any how. Its becoming difficult to face the situation here.

Not that swimming helps me unwind, but still I feel a big void in my life here. A void that only the family can fill. After 6:30 in the evening I just dread what's going to be my calender. I wasn't so unstable and uncertain at any point in my life. It may seem that I am exaggerating but it isn't funny either. Its like being lost in place for almost an year and I am yet to hit a shore. 

FIRST STAT'S CLASS

SO THE SUMMER SESSION STARTED. HAD THE FIRST CLASS TODAY. THE COURSE IS ENTIRELY DIFFERENT FROM WHAT I HAD EXPECTED. AFTER TWO SEMESTERS OF REAL STRUGGLE, I WAS FINALLY ABLE TO IMPROVE IN CSE COURSES. NOW A STAT COURSE! NOT SURE WHAT I AM DOING. WHY TAKING A STAT COURSE? TO IMPROVE THE LOW GPA. ANOTHER SHORTCUT IN LIFE. MOST OF THEM HAVEN'T REAPED SWEET FRUITS. HOPE THIS ONE DOES.

LATELY FEELING A LITTLE LOW. THE FEAR OF NOT GETTING A JOB AFTER COMPLETING M.S IS PULLING ME DOWN. THEN THE FUNDING SCENE IS ALSO NOT VERY BRIGHT. THOUGHTS OF GOING BACK EMPTY HANDED SENDS SHIVERS DOWN THE SPINE. THE ONLY HOPE IS SOME LUCK COMING MY WAY.

SOMEHOW THE BURDEN OF A POOR ACADEMICS IS SO MUCH THAT I HAVE STOPPED ENJOYING LIFE. STRANGE THOUGHTS COME IN MIND. WISH I COULD JUST DISCONNECT IT AND KEEP IT IN COLD STORAGE!!! I HAVE GIVEN UP ON MYSELF. LEAVING EVERYTHING TO THE GOOD OLD 'GOD'.

BLOG GONE OFF LINE

HAD TO DO IT. WROTE ABOUT SOMEONE, WHO MENTIONED IT BACK TO ME. IT WASN'T THE RESPONSE I EXPECTED. BUT IN THE AGE OF WEB 2.0 ANYBODY CAN CATCH ANYONE WITH PANTS DOWN. THIS WASN'T THE ONLY REASON. SOMEONE C WHO LIKED READING THIS BLOG CALLED ME A 'LONER'. MY MONDAY GOT WASTED TRYING TO PROVE TO MYSELF THAT I AM NOT A 'LONER'. THE FACT THAT IT TOOK SO LONG SUGGESTED THAT HE IS RIGHT. BUT THE 'EVIL' IN ME DID NOT STOP ME FROM CHANGING THE 'URL' OF THE BLOG. 

I DO NOT INTEND TO PUBLISH THIS BLOG AGAIN. SO I HAVE DECIDED THAT I SHALL WRITE WHAT I PLEASE. WHAT I WANT. WHAT I HATE. WHAT I LOVE.

Meaningless things in life

A list of things that seems to be meaningless to me:-

1) Bollywood Heroins. Just for fun to eyes and possibly the hero.

2) Having 50 + friends in your orkut/facebook profile. Seems so much of waste storage when you have like 200+ friends on your list. Tells nothing about the individual at all. You are not sure that you knew someone at all. Just good for number crunching. 

3) Balaji's spate of lies. Now sure he lies about everything.

4) T20. Now that pakistan won the world cup. Hang Modi.

Would be adding more.........

Farmer's Market

The weather is sticky. Just bought a 140$ book after a lot of thought and haggling about the BUY BACK price. Books are always an investment worth making especially if the book isn't available back home. 

Thinking of making a side dish of vegetables today. I think I can pull this one of given the success in the earlier part of the week. So I bought the potatoes from the Farmer's Market. I had to search for them and mind wondered to buy cauliflower for gobhi parathas. But do not have a shredder at home. I finally zeroed in on the potatoes. I told the lady that I would buy them but she told that she can't sell anything before 11:30 am. Luckily my watch showed 11:30 but she went by her own time. So I was kept waiting for around 5-6 minutes.

I looked at the people selling their goods. These people are very simple people. You can make out from the way dress. Simple country side clothing nothing too flashy and flaunting. Most of them do not wear any footwear and their hands and feet are rough. Even the lady selling the potatoes has rough feet. Reminds me of the sabziwala in our market. The potatoes are priced reasonably at 4$. Other shops sell like bread, cookies, green vegetables and flowers. Its fascinating to move around with different aromas of food at different places in the market.

The whole point is we buy most of our stuff at Walmart or Weiss or whatever shopping outlet. We really do not benefit any individual there. All we do is pass our money to some retailer. We do not bother about people who get us that food in first place. Its just buy and enjoy for us. And for them as well. But it would be nice to go and just buy some stuff from such markets once in a while.

Relaxed

I do not know swimming and I am learning it. Finally managed to get the kicks right. Now able to kick from the hips. But breathing still remains a BIG problem but its getting easier by the day. Its kind of nice to work during the day and practice in the evening. It relaxes my mind and the mood is upbeat for the evening.

The locker room is however not very comforting. You can see shameless amros and chaptas changing in OPEN. They do not even use the towels to COVER up. And the showers are common. Shamelessness prevails even there.

Nevertheless I felt good and relaxed after so many days. Life here can be boring at times. And having insane roommates does not help much.   

Experiment Successful

Bored of the tortillas and rice, I finally decided to make parathas yesterday. Somehow for last some days, I am feeling a little homesick. Missing my MA a lot. So I brought a HUGE potato for the parathas, though my favorite are gobhi. 

I put the HUGE one on boil. But it won't. So I had to cut it into pieces. After the pieces got softer, I mashed them and added salt and mirch. And the mixture looked exactly like Ma used to prepare!! After doughing up the flour, I flattened out dough and the mixture. Tell you this is less messier than preparing the rootis. Though the amount of oil used was large( need not bother now that I go swimming daily), the first one was the most delicious. Add the tomato sauce and who can say that you are alone in America. I made two more with a little lesser oil but they weren't the same as the first one.

Sonu reminded me of our parent's wedding anniversary. And I took credit as the first one to wish Ma. Poor Sonu!! Not that I did not remember. I knew it was sometime in June. I was a little confused about the dates. I told Ma that I made ALOO parathas. She replied that my would wife would be petty happy with that!! 

The T20 type blog progress

So just too fed up looking at the live scorecards at cricinfo for past one and a half months. Just enough of T20. Stop it man!!! Not that India is also knocked out, I have little loyalties left. Just want this SHIT to end soon. Bring on the ASHES.

So I looking at my posts on this blog. Yeah I guess I am the only one looking at my posts. And it looked like a score card to me. It reads like this:-

• ► May (4)

• ► April (12)

• ► March (11)

• ► February (13)

• ► January (10)

Read the months as over numbers. And then calculate the blogs per month yourself. And June is yet to finish!!!

THE FIRST CLASS

So had my first swimming class today. Very nervous throughout the whole day. But thanks to Guru things worked out petty smoothly. There is way from the looker rooms to pool which I did not know. And I searched for the key given to me for the lockers somewhere else before figuring out where its actual address was. And you have to deposit your keys at the counter to get the locker keys and Guru even did that for me. Deposited his own keys for me. 

The first feel of the water in the pool was overwhelming. Water water everywhere and not a drop to drink!! But yeah the estimation of the depth was a problem at first. Nearly slipped and fell. And then I waited for 5 minutes before Rebacca found me. She stuck me with some lady and told her that this was my first time in the pool. She demonstrated me the kicks. But I was not able to keep up. madam I am SLOW learner. But I she did helped only a little and I kept struggling. She passed my file to a fat lady. She was nicer. She helped me learn some kicking with a support under my belly.

SHC

The Student Health Centre(SHC) had not mailed me my health card till now. My friend just put a nasty piece of information about the insurance card the previous week end. I finally went to SHC only because I needed some document for joining the swimming classes. It is THE swankiest building in the campus. More than our IST.

The lady at the service was partially blind and needed a magnifier to read. She asked for my ID and I placed it under the magnifier. She was still not able to read my card. I thought I should help her and I extended my offer. But she declined and her tone suggested that she felt offended to some extent. This is not India boss!!! The good thing here is that the people are self - reliant of sorts. Not that back in India people are not but it was different with that lady. My offer for help was not offending but she wanted to read the card as part of her duty. She appeared to be fine afterwards.

Got a copy of my card. Now I feel more SAFE.

Joined the swimming classes

Yupe got lucky again. Guru joined the classes and I came to know of these adult classes from him. And yesterday I enrolled. Although I have missed one class, but the instructor said she would accommodate the class. Four classes for 80$. Not bad for an entirely different set of skills.

Not very excited. But a part of my brain is apprehensive about Sunday. Just the shorts for swimming. Nothing up!! I mean. I do not have words. But I guess its about one day and then it would get easier.

Got really fed up of badminton. Not many people turn up now a days. The other day I stood idle for half an hour. And then on Monday loss to AJ was even more frustrating. One he did not give me time to warm up and second I had beaten him in straight games the other night. Third it happened before his lady friend. True I was desperate to beat him in front of her and messed up my serves and samshes. He was all sugary and treated her like a CHILD. Nothing against him but he is such as ladkibaaj. What's even more appalling that girls fall for such people.

Looking forward for Sunday.

Getting a good hang of security now

I have read a lot on security in last month. Research sometimes is very frustrating. Sometimes nothing seems to be working and sometimes many things in the jigsaw seem to come together. Its a constant process and does not come easily in a week or two. Though I have not started any RESEARCH but I think it would not be any different than what I have just mentioned. The key is to spend daily 5-6 hours.

Read a lot about web security. I was especially impressed with the work of Niels Provos. His paper on simulating the low level layers in Operating Systems and Networks to create a LAN of subvert machines to gather traffic information for security analysis was the most remarkable paper I have ever read. Not that it had something great but the idea and its implementation was special. I went on to read with other works in Google on web security such as classification of malicious URL's. The more I read, the more I am getting addicted. Got to be careful!!

But anyways I was very impressed with Google's organization of their E-learning modules at http://code.google.com/edu . It looks very professional and gives a feel of a university. Gosh if I could give one piece of advice to students back in India it would be to really imbibe the material at this site. Not that it would make any sense now, but they would not have to struggle like me to find good project ideas. Trust me its really good.

Wish I could meet Niels Provos some day.

Ever growing list of DISHES

This is just SOME of the DISHES that I can cook now:-

1) Rajma Chawl (Any beans here is Rajma)

2) Roti ( Not tortilla's. I do the regular Indian procedure)

3) Tea ( yupe Ma nevers made STRONG tea. I would teach her when I get home. )

4) Omelet ( Again something I learned with a lot of experimentation and discussion with others)

5) Most recent the Pullaw ( Not great but better than the last try)

6) Learning to cook vegetables from my friends.

More on agenda;-

PIZZA from Jagdish (hope he has cooled down!), will surely add more. Sooner I shall advertise on matrimonies as a groom who can COOK good.

GG has no loyalties

Yupe that's me. These days seeing the rupee getting stronger to the dollar is bothering me a little. I have a little saving in dollars here now and whenever the rupee is stronger the EVIL brain does conversion AUTOMATICALLY. And yes there is that feeling "Well had it been fifty, I would have had that much money as savings in India". Prior to coming here it was the other way around. Oh God why the Dollar is so expensive. Oh! we should have converted yesterday. It was cheaper then. Confirmed. GG is a Hippo-crate.   

THE NAMESAKE

Saw THE NAMESAKE but did not read the book. I brought the book from India but lazy me. A beautiful movie. Makes more sense to me now that I am an NRI now. But its theme is great. Its about the relations, a father and son, a man and his wife, what's real and surreal and what's happiness.

The boy of Indian couple always looked for happiness outside his family. And he could not find it anywhere but finally found it in the happiness of his family. Some people are just indispensable in your life and he discovered after a while.

Some months ago I saw the kid of one my friend from Mumbai speak english in fantastic American accent. I was amazed as the kid had been in US for only like an year. What's more his father told me that he understands Hindi and Marathi but can't speak them. I brought the issue to another of my Post Doc friend. He said that's normal and that my kids would be the same. I drew a blank. It stuck me profoundly. All this time I struggled with life here, away from my family, for my education but what after that. Would I stay here? Would I have kids like these? What after completing the degree?

I still do not have answers to them. And maybe I won't have them in any near future either. Movies like NAMESAKE do breathe any confidence of settling here . Does education, degree and research weigh more than the family? Its just to many things to think about and waste time writing them.

AJ

Who is AJ? Another one of the oldies here. I means he is around here for six years now. And he one those who lives life his style and like all other oldies thinks that he is always right and you are wrong. 

But why suddenly him. I meet him around February for accommodation for next year. It did not work out. Then again we met in the IST lift, where I smiled at him SMUGLY ( according to him. I heard the word for the first time.). Then again he is the co-ordinator of the badminton club. And he always coaxes me to pay the fee. 

So I met him again that day in my casuals the PAJAMAS. And he fired a partial salvo on my dressing sense. It was only for some 50 seconds but it somehow stayed in my mind over the night. He then got busy with some desi GIRL and ignored me there after. 

Next day I dressed better and appeared in the IST cafeteria for breakfast. And I motioned to him to join me. And that was the beginning of a long wiping session. I tried to digress him but he is still not that old. He kept pounding me with uncomfortable questions on my dressing sense and my unshaven face. And after the SESSION I was convinced that something was seriously wrong with me. He called me CHICHORA. And some more of unmentionable words. 

But yeah he was right. Office and lab dressing should be decent if not great. And PAJAMAS are simply not decent. A piece of advise which no one ever pushed on my face. And what's more a good apparel doubles your chances of finding a girl-friend (Or her finding you).

Lessons learned. What's more I discovered that girls also blog and they also have the same amount of FRUSTRATION( again according to him ).  

An Eventful Week

So after three weeks of lull the storm arrived. Yeah it was getting boring, after perhaps the most eventful semester( read four months ) of my student life ended. But it brought a lot of bad blood but some more fun as well.

So my adviser was after my ass from the beginning of the week. I had to set up the system for HIS paper and I had not done it as yet. And then understand the code. This is perhaps the MOST difficult thing for me. Understanding some one else's CODE. It fucks the mind. But I am in CSE and this is supposed to be my strengths. Too bad. Anyways this kept me occupied for the whole week. Good break from freebies I guess.

If that was not enough our electricity was shut off on Wednesday. Now electricity shut-offs is one of the most CATASTROPHIC things that can happen to you in AMERICA. I mean we as Desis are used to live without any power for days but if you have lived in US for nine months it is painful as hell. No power means no gas. No gas means no cooking. Implies you are practically homeless. All this happened because Balaji did not deposit the bill on time. What followed was even more uglier. Jagdish and Balaji just went over the boil. There were different versions of facts from both of them, each accusing each other of something. Jagdish threatened, I suppose, to move on this weekend for good. For the first time I did not feel voilated by Balaji, but jaded. May be the news of his moving out. After all he's been my only support system here. I always looked him as my elder brother( I do not have one ). Anyways the whole issue got so blown out that my Papa was worried back home. Electricity returned yesterday night but I guess we guys need to sit and sort things out.     

I never tried sleeping in my lab, but this time did just that. I just heard that one of my friends was doing just that for a few days now, but didn't think I would do the same some days later. I joined three chairs and slept, though uncomfortably. First night was difficult, second one easier and I expect tonight would be even better. 

So finally Friday arrived. After spending the whole day configuring LDAP, I went to my friend's house to have a good sleep. We had fun. We made ARBI. And ARBI and rice is not the greatest combination but if you do not get home food for three days I guess everything tastes great. It indeed did. I think we would cook some better combination next time. And I learnt to cook the vegetables. 

The sleep was just great. Eight hours of winking was very refreshing, though with another GUY by side. I guess not everybody is lucky.

So I returned home in the morning. There was ELECTRICITY in our house now. A bath and half an hour of yoga was soothing. A lot of stuff had rotten badly. I decided to cook. Opened up a can of  BEANS. And very casually tried to get rid of the lid. And?? Ouch the RING finger in the right finger was cut rather badly. Blood spurted out even faster than the pain pulse reaching my brain for it to process it. And I was scurrying around for help. Just hate blood. I did the old trick of putting the finger in mouth, but the blood would not stop. There are no band-aids and Balaji is useless. I woke up Jagdish. He told to put the finger in cold water and let it CLOT. I called up my friend but no wail. Finally caught the first bus to campus and bought a pack of band-aids to relieve myself. 

I ended the day with a nice ice-cream treat with Guntas at the CREAMERY. It is a very famous ice-cream parlor here. They serve you a hell lot of it. It is difficult for SOME to drain it down their throats. The guy is a foodie like me. Then we went to Walmart. All the time we just kept chuckling and ogling at the girls. Reminded me of the days when I did the same with Karun.

There's more to write but I do not want to bore the reader out.

So her name is Anika

Finally! After nearly two months my niece(not sure of my relation to her) has a name. The name is ANIKA. Some form of Durga. Achin says that she is very active. What a 2 month child is active. How do you know that!!! Anyways nice to know her name. A meaningful name. God Bless her.

New Camera

So I finally bought a new camera. Its a Cannon Powershot. It is my costliest possession here. Last time it was the photo-frame I bought for my parents(Photo-frame before Camera!!!! Weirdo) But yeah I spent a good 5 days in deciding which one to buy.

Jagdish gave me a lot to look for when buying a camera in our Saturday morning discussion. The guy has like a bagful of cameras( wonder why??). He told me a lot of things 'grain size', 'shutter speed', 'aperture size', 'focal length' etc etc. After a lot of research,( my favorite word now)I boiled down to two models SONY DSC-S950 and CANNON A480. Meanwhile my Papa was coaxing me everyday since I told him that I would buy a camera soon. And finally on Saturday, I bought the SONY after reading a lot of online reviews and digging the saleswoman in BEST BUY for half an hour.

The camera kind of makes a weird sound when giving a flash but all in all the picture quality is great. 10 megapixels. What do you expect? But the story does not end any soon. My Papa woke me up early on Sunday to shoot photo of the campus and send to him. Sunday was probably the "HOTTEST" day on Campus. And there was no bus service available. I had to loiter around in bright Sun all afternoon to get pictures for him. Tried some nature photography but I am not to great at that. I guess when you first get a new gadget, age hardly matters. You become a kid having all the energies to conquer the world.

Sooner I realized that GOOGLE has a software PICASA for uploading the picture. I hate GOOGLE. Has everything you would ever want. No scope for artists like me. Anyways its always good to have a camera. Helps capture the moment as it is.

Badminton Update

So the good news is that the club is back up in the summers. The bad news is that the fee is 30$ instead of 20$, which was the amount charged for the birdies in the spring. Yesterday was my second day at the club in the summer session. I am possibly in the worst ever shape in last 5 years. I have stopped doing yoga. Though I plan it every night, the morning after the plan gets dropped. And so.

Anyways I find this chapti to practice with. She is taller than the normal once and one of the most beautiful once among the pack. Yeah probably the best of the worst good looking females in State College. But she seems to be also the fittest. She hits the shuttle probably much harder than I do and is very quick on her feet. I tried to match(typical Indian male, won't take it lying down from a female). But you can't GG. Look at her she looks like a professional. But GG won't listen. GG never listens to anybody not even to his rational half. End result. GG sprains his BUTT. Who the hell sprains a BUTT. Among all the 'decent' muscles  down the body, I had to find the most indecent and most spoken stuff here to sprain and sprain badly. Gosh this 'thing' hurts as I write. I am out of breadth soon(hardly 15 minutes). But thankfully AJ invited us for a doubles. Some relief for the poor butt.

The club meets three out of five days, which is great. Now I do not have to look for anyone's company in the evening. After 2 hours of exercise the body is just too tired to think and do anything. I barely make it back and stuff myself with some food. All in all a great time pass.

SECURITY IS WIERD AT TIMES

What do you make of the following email that you see one fine morning:-

-----BEGIN PGP MESSAGE----- Version: GnuPG v1.4.8 (Darwin)  hQEOA5g61IjEEzlGEAQAs5akcfv5V/4npxDMHDKbqKMy0wGak8RLt0zaGNgXe2iy rfFmx1/quLU4wAM2TVLhXGwzcTVASecIluTPrSTjhlvHwfpcwZKPjAAahAL+3FBZ 17Fkg/c4SbGnlA3lE1EVNlhDf85skkbHWhtUBo1Aw3QOdwSZ+SV4HePEMK9D8vYD /1Kn/Hdaod5592D5V3Szwe7tQpa57qPYS5juH4tghM8qrvVp/gwktZKWWU37MZHy uugv6TRvv8svHndpulmss3p4BWwvkIvmnTX84ZieMvtp/2v9JrjDZlt5EJZwpSA0 KWljaawtOmz03+I2M7yCBlyS0F1kL38NCnDD4edJUsdVhQIOA4J5yeSWW+a3EAgA mXxMEZf5ls0RNb7ZdT4JTbUeNP/XTB38XNThzWEobodPRqmczKOqN64goff3Dlvw vP22QWhMw6nbVLfUkbYu4Cozek7sOLoIWqSGB4zmOf3s6Fnd7g6Edr6heeGSzzwE D21qkVs55A2SlN/ZGjO7SvDoAzql5OSHxo8IrfDLHlUXwyi4LULA/k1cI5Di2unR cegw2529I7BiBzmI/O1xH1pq0DEYUjUCVLH5M6d1s/yaxFltc0VF2KMopYlEoyss 4uspIrZyPF0krE7y8baD660oPrXwzeWk1TAaJwvfSzqtCBB8E7PlhI5qKl4zsvb3 eImixbwhvR9K/ZW3czU5rgf/VrMGbf1wuMFnzh52PT+njvb+yFsxjK/HUsSfrx0+ NDrHWeVB8gDj59kIztZOlOFCic9bVTVBejQnZ9I7dAClNgmXYDBfuw4cjazT5zmK y9eiOeITjAkIgmCMUeSvV2v9gVikY5oKw3qpjE/zITxdGcEYc4cpWVGHTfGOanDQ 3SmyXM3rabjL7fK+vzMlTc6XRwD36hZwRL6RNeyyisucHCCCFYu+t2mxeejnNbgx +j/ggyoyKAmZkPxUKrNDKIIloDIbqr8dX1CiCh/EbOyMRLVv3AosJYivlNTaOegQ n8aaMXuZvA0ntMdn4POnkZgS1mC2hmlifWRE59HczERnHNLpASiMGVWGA/IaTzgP Ub4FJrQS4IkqZwYMGUl9/B22PSuyLrnR88yk2AMxIhfE2IoJQmjDbMY6kHOE2fwN RtBn5OXaCbFDvNOiqZ0kegPT4pp5DBUHvXvYeZH1JMNqIbmxWNICFq0Oc1tpp5re R8nmBQ23PO1mVIe0jQYdRwe6alfmBfzoNBh0MVjWqgc+LHTufjEE/M+gXUf2cuun htHhDcvUQbZRr8flVfxmc4ZJYhGL+aX0EvTX4ISKjF3rbs3Q5riyKuA3VincEr08 BLYkVMwuFoIGU2SZT/Mwd780uM4yIsy4gRM3E2ZtQ5iqaifF6ls/quN8Y2/FCZvK D5n58a5oNYuKZE02XDiLdlcyr7ztClB1gVrBZvAyqQObGxAz54Pjz0H18MhsMriC HJ5nI3Ja1d5YairFTvJyNc8+Ir36Bu5hUVdhAIgzx8TpGIBNmVGLUaae7sAiD8as RWVTGZbv7V7B5IJPTRIhC/b35LJqHc/rHCPaCF+Oq6xAAju0Jk/0m1TsyRhCRFNx iwEvdlcKyKvPonDqPTsk2rnEWflOUuleo0p6hKGbmVWG1RcWL37h/6vS9tv8bDsJ WRwJfsdYkThh57nIzKWtx4jdMdODZ/9VwjCQG/0lH43JOncpJk0a7vM9s1HlZGdX AzO9YJfmDqTU1co/DpAqmaNxhhElZmypfEkxNqfG7Ozlm0y+Yc3ElUHeoffV0UAT fRQUXG5ZcOqTCA== =EmX6 -----END PGP MESSAGE-----

Some alien!! World coming to end!! Frankly I thought the person screwed something and send me someone else's message. I went up to the 'person' and asked if he sent me the details that I wanted from him. He said yes. I asked him how do I see the message. He said DECRYPT the CIPHER with your PRIVATE KEY. Oops!!! Come again. Its been 5 months away from SECURITY. But this is weird. Who the hell encrypts the email with your public key.

So early morning its time to exercise my all the "knowledge" gained over the past two semesters to find out how to decrypt an email message and searching the file system in my small USB(read brain) for the private key. Its kind of interesting that I used only one password for all my accounts till 2008 and beginning of 2009(when I fell to phishing attacks!! DO NOT TELL MY ADVISER). But now have I do not remember some 5 different passwords. Still I was confident enough of the passphrase that I finally located to work. But as things are in UNIX nothing comes for free. I had to painstakingly google for "pgp" initially(which was wrong) and then "gpg" tutorials to find the commands for decrypting the file. Finally I was able to decrypt only after SSHing to a linux machine. This also wasn't that simple. SSHing for some reason gave the following SECURITY WARNINGS:-

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

@    WARNING: REMOTE HOST IDENTIFICATION HAS CHANGED!     @

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

IT IS POSSIBLE THAT SOMEONE IS DOING SOMETHING NASTY!

Someone could be eavesdropping on you right now (man-in-the-middle attack)!

It is also possible that the RSA host key has just been changed.

The fingerprint for the RSA key sent by the remote host is

98:2f:2c:60:35:c7:f7:1c:b6:5b:30:0f:74:cb:ee:36.

Please contact your system administrator.

Add correct host key in /Users/gaurav/.ssh/known_hosts to get rid of this message.

Offending key in /Users/gaurav/.ssh/known_hosts:2

RSA host key for horta.cse.psu.edu has changed and you have requested strict checking.

Host key verification failed. 

Now if you are new or an amateur in security, Man in Middle attack is the most nasty kind of attacks. Its like the old witch, who listens standing outside your door. This put me off. Finally I managed to log into one of the LINUX machines somehow. MAC really sucks at times. Not all UNIX commands run on it. "gpg" is just one of them. I was finally able to decrypt his email and find the Virtual Machine login and password.
The exercise took around 45 minutes. Too much overhead for a security application!!! But then who encrypts an email after all. Email is password protected. Security is great to have but if it complicates life so much then perhaps we are better without it!!! Well I am not suppose to say that!! If people in Security won't ENCRYPT an EMAIL then who would!!! Fair enough.

Semster Ended

So finally the semester has ended. Almost. Just the last two days of TA work. Again Hopefully. Yeah I know I won't get a TA ever or maybe an RA next semester. Monday I have meeting my adviser. Hopefully I would get some project for summers. Yeah summers. Again I think I would spend it all by myself alone in this office fighting my insecurities and myself. Worse still the badminton club does not meet in summers. Worser perople are going out of town. People are going to California, New Jersy and India as well. But GG is stuck here forever. Same R bus, same Balaji to contend with. God!! send something or someone wich wwould change something in this boring life.

I am just worn out. Four months of a gruelling semester are more than enough. I guess I need some counselling badly. Body had gone out of shape a little. Confidence is petty low. There is an intermitent fear in mind. Same like that of the recession for people. I fought it throughout the semester but can't seem to get over it anyway.

Hope to find a swimming trainer soon. Maybe that would fix somethings. Badly need someone's company or some activity.

Late night bus

The last bus to Waupelini leaves at 2:30 am on Saturdays and Fridays. And its so because the apparent culture here is that people drink and booze on these nights. So they have late night buses. They can cater to the boozing people but not the more sincere ones who like to read late in the night at their office. Anyways from past few weeks I have made a point to catch this last bus. And on Saturday I finally managed to talk to an American girl.

Not a great thing to write about. The bus stop is crowded with rowdy people all making a lot of noise. Sometimes I feel scared. Not that anybody would heckle me or mess with me, but it feels so different and intimidating at first. I have been on this bus three times now but I still feel uncomfortable. Strange same people would be polite at one time and aggressive once boozed out.

So the bus arrives and a lot of people are in queue to get into the bus. While anybody is dressed in their party wares, I am in my pyjama and inners whose sleeves showed from my half sleeves T-shirt. And if that wasn't enough I am also carrying a school bag. Anyways keeping all these inhibitions to myself, I swipe the card and enter the bus to find a seat. I can't find a seat with someone 'quite'. So I insert myself by the window seat. Soon a group of three girls appear and look around and one of them sits by me. They look drunk. Not sure. But I am more nervous now. I look outside to comfort myself. But constant appearance of 'such' people does not allow me to look outside.

She finally said 'Hello' and I replied hiding all my nervousness. She asks if I was going home. I confirm that. She asked where do I study. I can't here that. She then points to the bag and asks a little louder. I replied 'IST'. 'Its a nice building' is her opinion. She is talking something to her friend which I can't hear. Probably about someone at the back of the bus. Meanwhile my stop arrived and she bids me 'Good Night'. I replied ' Same to You'. Could not come with anything better like ' You too'. Same old and out of context expression that I give every-time. 

I plan to continue this routine. I guess no better chance to get over that fear. And no better chance to talk to someone.

Never felt at home before

Yes I never felt more at home here after coming here early August last year. May be because the workload is lesser. But it was that way at the starting of the semester. Something has definitely changed. I don't miss my family as much. I do not cry anymore. Sometimes my eyes well up. But its not as bad as last semester, when I would go sobbing to the classes sometimes. 

Anyways what matters is that finally I am at peace at last.

LEFT EAR out of service

It happened again. My left ear has left me high and dry again. Something is really wrong with it. Last December when I was returning home my both the ears were blocked. Thanks to US airways, I began to listen something when I got down at London. My Uncle only know how painful it was for him to get those big wax balls out of my ears even after nearly 2 weeks daily dosage of drops. Even the nurse found it funny that I was behaving like a kid. But my Uncle can be brutal sometimes. But then all Doctors are that way.

The only respite is I am able to hear from my right one. And partially from my left as well. Got to get some medicine from CVS.

Are you GAY?

Let me put this very clear. I am not GAY. But this happens very frequently, especially late nights here. So I finally shaved. After almost 2 and half months. The big face with all that black beard transformed into a sharper and a much smaller face. Of course I managed to retain my fairness and the cleft was also pretty much there. But somehow I liked the bearded look more.

It wasn't possible unless ten people in one day reminded me that my beard was going out of control. Not words were not exactly these but meant the same. Just the other day I heard JEHAD somewhere close to the IST. And then there were screaming police cars near my home that day, not for me but for someone else. I decided before I get into some unwanted trouble I better find that razor. It makes more sense now that spring has arrived in its glory here and so have the beautiful american girls.

So its Saturday night and I decide to romp to IST to check some emails and of course the IPL. I stay there for 3 hours and then decide to take the 1:20 am bus back. As I walked past the deserted streets, I was approached by two American men. They looked drunk. One of them asked me 'Where is your girl?'. I replied "No girl'. As we were crossing he remarked "Are you GAY?'. I am surprised and coaxed into the answer 'NO!!!!'. He did not bother to look back. I guess he was actually gay. May be not. Oh its too complicated. But he managed to put a smile on my face. That's what I care about. 

TA sucks

Its the truth of the grad life. TA sucks. Big time. Taking all the shit from the undergrads everyday is tiring. If that's not enough the chapta boss is after my ass everyday. God how would these two weeks pass, especially with exams around the corner. I know I would again screw up, though not badly enough.

Undergrads do whatever they like. They would send obnoxious emails sometimes, threatening something really catastrophic. Some are nicer but buttering. Today I met someone who would have given me 100/100 on TA evaluation. Crazy isn't it. The chapta would hardly give me 50. Some are annoying. They would show up frequently.

Anyways I am just bidding time now. I really do not care about this work any more. I know I would get plenty of work suddenly, with a small deadline. That's life and I opted for it.

IPL

So I admit. Its been nearly nine months but still I can't give up on my childhood love. Yes cricket. Now even more with the IPL. Yes cheerleaders but now its even more spiced up. All the hype and hoopla is just too mouth watering to leave. I am just crazy for watching the highlights on google. Again google. How much I hate to love it. But anyways. I am hooked till May 24 th.

Free Dinners

So I have not cooked since last ten days. I have been eating mostly at my friends places now a days. I go home late. And then I am too tired to think anything. Then I mostly sleep.

So its another late night at office. I catch the bus around quarter to ten in night. I meet a friend of mine whom I play badminton with. We are like banter buddies and try to out think each other just as we do in badminton. He is a post Doc. I think much older than me. He owed me five dinners as I beat him and his friend in a doubles vs singles match. Again in lighter vain. But he invited me over to his house. And prospect of another free dinner is just too mouth watering.

He is an exceptional cook. He made good DAL and the BHARTA was awesome. Though never liked it when Mamma made it but then things are different now. He goes to Pittsburgh often so he had plenty of rotis. I did not have such a satisfying meal for a long time now. Last time I guess when I was in India in December.

Interestingly his roomy thought that I was a Sardar. May be because of my thick beard. But I clarified that I wasn't. Not that he really cares. But still.

After the dinner I had good conversation with the host. He is obviously much wealthier than me in terms of the experience and the amount of things he has seen in life. He chatted from the train blasts in Mumbai to the current elections in India and why Advani was his favourite and why did he hated Sonia Gandhi so much. After a long time I met someone with extremist views against Muslims which I consider rare. He told me that I was just too cool and open minded for my age. May be that's because of my father or my ignorance I really can't decipher that. 

The litchi juice was awesome too. I then he even dropped me off at my place in Southgate. So much for the dinner but the guy's hospitality was a relief of sorts. Goodness still exists.

Still do not know her name

How much time does it take to name a child? Its been like 15 days since she was born and I still do not know her name. I mean I can't figure that out. I think I got a name after 1 or 2 days MONU. Yeah never liked it. And particularly got embarrassed at school if any of my friends came to know of that. Still remember I was called MONU until I entered Nursery. Mamma and Papa gave a new name GAURAV only after the insistence of the Sisters in my day care told them I should have a new name. I think they only suggested that I should be called GAURAV in Nursery. Thanks to them otherwise I still would have been MONU. MONU GUPTA!!!

I mean this is the height of searching names. There are millions of them available in this world. Come on give her some pet name. So that I can write something about her. 

Cold NIght at NIttany

Balaji has extreme cold and cough this week. Sharing a room with such a person could be really painful. Firstly he is not the cleanest person in the world and secondly his cough is like the sound of a trumpet. Last few nights I woke up 2 to 3 times when he coughed. Sleep is such a precious commodity for me and when someone really wakes you up like that, it really pains even more badly.

So Tuesday night the cough was at its loudest. Can't really figure out if it was real or faked. But any ways I got some sleep in wee hours of morning. Sleep deprivation does not help in anyway and I am down for count for the whole day. So next day I decide to spend the night at my friends place in Nittany. The friend is a nice person, gives food, juice and the most important the guy talk. Long hours of work with hardly any talk with any one is tiring to say the least. But when I am with him, all the usual undergrad stuff comes out in full glory. From guy talk to hurtling abuses at anyone. Its like a time of a lifetime.

So I call it a day and go to sleep. But the room is cold. He puts on the heater for like 2 hours and then shuts it off. I ha some sleep but most off  the time it was cold and uncomfortable. Home is home I thought. No matter how much I hate Balaji but it is MY HOME. My mind is tuned that why now. Can't really blame my buddy, he has his own reasons. Heat is not free in Nittany. But I guees chasing comfort everywhere has become my thing.

So in the morning I race back home to snuggle in my warm bed.

Homesick

So the blues are back again. Just changed the wall paper on my laptop from a scenic beauty to photo of my parents and Sonu. The picture is fantastic with a water fall in the background and Sonu's mischievous smile. God!! really miss this now. Used to dread that some years ago. You just could tell from his face that he is up to something really nasty. But now I think he might have matured. I would always miss his baby years. 

Do not know how Mamma and Papa look now. I guess a little older now. I always call Papa when I freak out. He just soothes every thing out. And last few days, I really had a lot of pressure from my boss, Mamma has been doing my healing everyday. And of course Sonu has been helping me through the problems of the second mid term. Its really not much worth staying in this place, when you have a family like that. 

My cousin brother Achin and Nidhi have a daughter now. Today was her name ceremony. So she like the next generation in our family, my Mamma'a side. Just waiting for her photographs. Double motivation for waiting for December now.  

The beautiful lady at SUBWAY and the Jalpenoes

So another day at office without any lunch from home. People enjoy Rajma Chawal but trust me after a while the home feels like a prison of sorts where you only get one type of food day in day out. Can't really remember when was the last time I cooked them. I guess this Monday. That's it. Rest of the time kept eating the bread and butter. And gained at least an inch around the waistline. 

So I am hungry like a dog on Thursday afternoon. So after a mandatory TA hours and serving some of the clueless undergrads, I decided to go to my only place in emergency, THE SUBWAY. Being a veg is like a curse here. Just exaggerating a bit. You could go to the HUB, but its like an eternity when you are hungry. So SUBWAY it is.

Its again crowded at the SUBWAY. I finally get my turn and order a VEGGIE MAX. After all the order for the servings on the footlong, I am waiting for my order. The girl serving the the vegetables on the footlong is really beautiful. And as usual I am staring at anything that is worth it. Not that I really like that I am like that all the time but sometimes. I think 7 out of 10 times I guess. Her facial features are sharp and she has this seriousness about her. Not like the regular ones, who are friendlier and chatty. She goes about her business very formally. You know sometimes its not the person's looks but their style which is very attractive.

So I am staring at her. I mean not the way people do in Delhi. Its more subtle. Odd stare of 10 seconds very 20 seconds. Exaggerating a little. There's not much time actually. But you get the idea. My footlong is ready and hot and she asks me for the dressings of vegetables. As usual lettuce, tomatoes, onions. Newer names that I recently learnt are olives and peppers. And of course Jalpenoes. What is Jalpenoes? Who cares if a beautiful lass is serving you. No puns intended.

So our lady grabs and puts all the jalpenoes she could with her beautiful hands. GG is now thinking what an afternoon. Honey Mustard please. That's it. The customer is more than satisfied for the 5$ price.  So I go to a corner and start munching the footlong. Munching!! What the hell? The jalpenoes. As three of them passed into my stomach, there's a fire of sorts. I resisted, but as I gobbled the rest of the dish my stomach really began to shout for fire brigade. The seven or eight jalpenoes really lit every part of middle body. Its not unbearable but its not comfortable as well. As I began to leave, I turned to look at the beautiful lady again. Still confused, if that was in agony or the old Delhi boy stare.  

Nothing to write about

Its Friday again. A relief day of sorts. Checked a mid term. Prepared a grade report. Had an exam. Again screwed it up of sorts. Total blame on the teacher. Without any inhibitions. Did not submit the project. Got a week's extension. Adviser finally agreed to my proposal to start my thesis work in summers, though without any funding. And slept like a horse in the HUB.

Nothing strange. After a cool undergrad, I found the graduate school here petty tough. Week is all heavily loaded. Slight blink and costly miss for sure. The Chapta was after my ass since last week and I virtually stopped checking my mail for past few days. His emails are threatening to say the least, they are obnoxious. No element of politeness. Just damn orders every time. Not that I really care but still a little bit of understanding and soft words would make both of our lives easier. After nearly seven months, I really realized what's it like being a TA. Thanks to him. But still I don't like him one bit.

Balaji is down with something. Stopped speaking to him for good now. Just bidding my time to get my own room in three months now. Reduced the rent to 200$. Jagadish is extremely pissed at something with me. I need to ask him why. God!! he is my only little support that keeps me breathing. Otherwise sometimes I feel that I am tipping off. God save me from doing anything really bad to myself.

I finally figured out why I write here. Perhaps to release all the pent stuff. Or perhaps I do not know. Or perhaps I like Google's spell option so much, that sometimes I intentionally make mistakes. See my mental state. Sometimes I feel, I would be a schizophrenic some day. 

Sorry but I can't really help much. My mental state is really bad. Just can't figure out how to smile and be relaxed.

Sonu's Website

Just saw his web page. Cool like him. Organized to the perfection. I do not how he does that. May be he could a trick or two to me. But all in all a great presentation of his personality.

www.cse.iitd.ac.in/~cs1070185

The night when it finally happened

So I am pissed the whole day, about the discovery of Balaji's sickining acts. Who the fuck takes your socks without your knowledge. Socks!!! Can't believe it. I had decided to let it out at him in the evening. I talk to Jagdish about the incident, looking for some sympathy. But Jagdish is Jagdish. All practical and suave. He gives me essential tips. But I am thinking if he would have done the same had Balaji worn his under garments and left them over at some corner in the house. I went to office but I could not work. I then went to see the movie but I could understand little. I left the movie in the middle and went home. Even the Seinfeld's could help me break a smile. I mean taking food without permission is still bearable, but picking up someone else's clothes is just crossing the line by a mile.

He comes in around 1:20 am and I am all flared up. This was when I had not slept in nearly two days. I approached him and asked him if he took my socks from my suitcase. As excepted the reply was no. I show him the corner where my socks lay, all fucked up. I picked and showed him those and asked him to admit. This was his trademark. He would use a pair till its unusable and then throw it off. I had the evidence. But still he denied. Worse still, he had absoluetly no shame in his eyes. I knew he was thick skinned, but I actually expected him to be nice enough to roll his eyes and look around. But that was my tipping point.

I told him that I won't pay him the full rent from April. I had stronger facts and I was in position to assert myself. I told him that it was convinient for me not to pay him the full rent as it was convinient for him to use any of my stuff without my permission. I had planned this earlier, but little did I knew that it was going to lead to his admittance to sorts. He was now shouting at me saying that this was good excuse of not paying the rent. To which, I replied that I was assitance and had no problem in paying the decided rent. As I was retiring to sleep, he continued arguing. That's when the bubble really burst. I pointed out all his cheap tricks, though he kept dening. My voice was now floundering. After around twenty minutes he lost his cool. He told me lower my voice or else. May be we were at the point of blows. But I did not die down. My adreline was so high that I could have run 1 mile. Joking. But yeah I found it difficult to doze off even one hour atfer out fight ended.

When he just could not put with my arguments he resorted to the old high school tricks. He said I should talk to him only when I get a decent enough GPA to match his. Saala tin kahika. He then said that my voice was girlish. Then came the statement of admittance. 'Perhaps I should use all your stuff like today' as he threatened me. It did not occur to me at that time but today morning last nights confrontation really began to make sence to me. All his highschool tricks just pointed to fact that he was guilty. Maybe Jagdish was also listening to our fight and he also got the point. Balaji was saying sorry for the last two statements in the morning which sort of conformed that. He tired to act innocent all morning moving around in HIS socks, but I guess the fallout had happened.

I did not want to write this piece. No nobody wants to write something unpleasant. But Today I felt that I finally put it across someone. I used to find it strange when my father used to fight on smaller issues like parking space, but now I know the demarcations of ones liberty. It was perhaps the first time I argued with someone for over 30 minutes standing up for myself. I can't say it was victory for me, but still I feel good today. I think I finally came out of the cocoon at last.

Heart in my mouth

So another night out. I have gotten used to this now. Its kind of difficult as it dawns. But I just force it now. People say caffeine and tea are great, but I think if you really intend to sleep, they won't really work. But if you force yourself things fall in place. Words coming from a weak person. But its as true as Varun Gandhi's recent address.

Again any arbitrary person. I mean I am a little inept at giving analogies. But anyways. After a successful night sojourn, I returned home around 11:30 am. Homework was finished and I was relived that it was Friday. Two days of peace coming up. Certainly a movie tonight. I had a heavy brunch. Set the alarm to 1 pm. Then went to sleep. Now this usually happens after a night out. I missed the bell. And by the time I had my next wink, it was already 1:40. Hurriedly I attended the call of nature and then took a quick bath. Dressed up. Thought I would finally change my socks today after about a week or maybe 9 days. Not sure.

And lo!! No socks pair in my temporary Almira ( my suitcase). That's weird. I always had 4 to 5 pairs. Hmmm.. I searched the whole room. Still no sign of them. I must get a new pair come what may. Opened up the second temporary Almira. No socks even their. I am out of mind now. And all my suspicions are glared towards Balaji. I do a thorough search of the apartment and finally get an evidence of his cheapness and creepiness. I am now feeling looted and disgusted. I am sick to the mouth now. I banged my fist on the walls and let out a war cry. So loud that the dogs next door joined in.Admist all this I forgot, I had a bus to catch.

By the time, I put on those stinking ones again and rushed outside, the bus had gone. I could see it going way from me. So was Balaji.

I had NuCo class at 2:30 pm. And I had to submit the assignemnt in that. I caught the next bus and just made it in time to the class. Just as I entered the room and placed the assignment along with other ones, Suzzane just blasted at me. She said that the deadline was before the class and this won't count. I was already sick and this statement for hers literally froze me. She told me to leave the assignment their and go and sit. For next ten minutes, I just kept turning the assignment sheet over and over, thinking of a possible another 'B'. I had already missed an earlier assignment and I needed to turn in all the susequent three. The amro besides me is also turning the rules the sheet. I guess he also fucked up. Its good to have two people in the same sinking boat.

After the class ended, I approach Suzzane. She was more friendly now and told me that this was my last chance that I was turning in the assignment during the lecture and next time she won't accept it al all. I told her that I missed the bus. Finally my heart beat dropped. We began to talk like normal people now. I was relived but the sickness persited throughout the day.

Monetize

New option in blogger. May be you get money if people read your blog. But you can't suck me in. Especially after the whole banking fiasco I really do not trust any online stuff. Got who made this internet. God who made Google. God why do I waste so much time on Google's products. If someone from Google reads this, please note that I and for that matter many other people write for myself and my family. Kindly do not MONETIZE this. I can understand we are living in difficult times. But still....

Record Breaking Unshaved Face

I thought, I have broken all records this time. Its been nearly six weeks since my last shave. Last time it was in last Fall. But do not remember the duration. But this time I have gone over the roof to the extent that I have forgotten the color of my shape and its color! I think. Its really the height of laziness, I ever reached. But I am glad, I have broken one extreme.

The thing is here nobody cares. Although I know I look pathetic and people do not tell me that, but its like nobody in the lab cares. The amros consider it as a privacy breach asking about health and appearance. The chaptas can't speak much of english. And even if they do stammer about me, I won't know that. Their gibberish is GIGO for me. That leaves just the Desis. A quite smile and an assurance is enough, that I would do it this weekend. Life was never so free. I wear anything and go to university and the office. Nobody cares. 

I remember my Mom would get after me, calling me anything from Osama( err the 'T' word, amros go hide) to Dadrial. After a couple of weeks I used to get fed up and then shave. But I never went beyond three weeks. I do not remember when did I last showed my face to them over Skype.

That's the only positive I see of living by one self. You could possibly do anything, also things which you could not back at home.   

Sehwag ki batting

Can't help much. Such is his brutality. Sorry using the same old words of our commentators. But just can't find anything else to describe his form of batting. I think he is all about playing with the psyche of the bowler. Just imagine. You wake up fresh. Do you morning warm-ups. You are feeling good. You go in bowl a decent ball. It is hit for a four. You think probably the next one would get him. You bowl the next one. It speeds even faster to the boundary. You bowl the third into his body. The ball lands into the crowd. By now any bowler would feel the panic. Panic of getting all the six balls into the fence or over the fence. That's where Sehwag is so good. If he initially upsets one or two bowlers, game is over.

Yuvraj is even a worser batsman to bowl to. Because he just hit sixes and some fours. And Raina only hits sixes. So chances for 6/6 happening are very high if your initial deliveries land up in stands. 

Personally I too have a experienced such trauma. When you get hit for three or four boundaries in one over, you just don't feel like bowling another one. You really start thinking as a batsman then and it becomes difficult to think as a bowler. I guess experience matters. But still !!!

As a write this Sehwag is dismissed for 40.

Studies and work

This is kind of a nice concept here. You work and study at the same. You can fund your education or your living expenses by working at various places on campus. At graduate level, I think one is too old enough to not work. 

But still funding education here is not as straight forward as it seems. Compared to India it is disproportionate. I remember when my parents were organizing funds for my education here. We just went crazy. We even mortgaged our small possession. But still it was not good enough. 

Even though you have the flexibility to work here, sometimes it gets really difficult. I say this because I am a TA for two semesters now. I can hardly remember any weekends when I could sleep without any inhibitions. The whole week is so busy here that weekends are usually spent in getting your courses right. There are hardly any holidays except the spring break and the thanksgiving break in fall. So its like you are working non-stop for 10 months in an year. Don't know what's the scene like in summers. But I don't except to be any less cruel.

I have not been on job at all, so pardon me. But I guess job is still easier in the sense that you know that you don't have to put in extra effort. You know you have to get up in morning, go do work and then come back and sleep. Studying while working has no fixed time limits. You have to wait for the semester to end. 

But as they say you loose something to gain something.

A colorless Holi

So now it is Holi. Last year it was Diwali. No celebrations here. Just the same old office/library. Go in morning. Come back in the evening. Even the clubs are closed in the spring break. Life sucks in breaks over here.

Nevertheless, Holi was never a special affair back home. Some pakoras in the morning and then dahi papdi in the evening. Mamma never got after me to clean the my books and the cupboards. She only did that at Diwali. But as a kid I remember I used get a new pichkari every year and after Holi I used to preserve it for the next time. I remember how I used to prod my father a few days before Holi to get the preserved one repaired(always the valve used to get screwed). I do not why because I anyways used to get a new one. I guess kids are complicated and simple at the same time. 

Don't know how Mamma and Sonu celebrated this time around. Surely they would not have celebrated as we did the last time. Mamma won't play with water at all. But the three of us just drenched each other. Papa sprayed water on us from some distance. And each of us watered the other person when he least expected. 

Apparently Sonu has painted something this time around. But I have a suspicion. He perhaps more busy than me, to find any time at all.

Whoever reads this: HAPPY HOLI.

Late Night Romp at the Office

Who could possibly do that? Its me. So the problem Southgate its too far to walk after the last bus leaves in the night from Downtown at 12:21 am. So in the cold season its better to stay up in the office at night, than exposing yourself to the bitter cold. Even if its not cold but I am unwilling to walk for one and half hours with at least five or six uphill hikes. Of course you can call a cab but who wants to spend extra bucks in this weak economy.

So you have six and half hours in the office before you can get the first bus in the morning. I had stayed up in the night in the office last semesters as well, but that was like in the last few days when the work was more. But this time this came all to soon.

I decided to do something different this time. I went and bought a lot of stuff to eat during the night. Chips, Fanta, oranges and apples. You could anything you want including the DAARO. But you do not want to be caught by your adviser in an inebriated state. Please do not screw up your career for just a romp.

So now you are all set you can do whatever you like. Especially since my room is small and we are a total of six people. The room is deserted around 9 pm, given that Damien bhaiya does not decided to stretch it. I closed the door. Played music aloud. Saw all sorts of videos on youtube. Even tried some of my old spin bowling with the ball of my collegue. Of course I had assignment to complete so I worked as well. You can dance as well. But then its good to know some form of dance. Imagine being caught doing some crap moves by someone. It would be a double offense. 

The only thing the troubles in early hours of the day is the urge to sleep. I am thinking of getting a sleeping bed so that I can sleep 2/3 hours. But I know once I get it I will sleep the whole night.

When I am hurrying to catch the bus in the morning and I bump into the lady of the cafe, she sometimes wishes me good morning. I smile and greet her good night.

The First Feel of Spring

Finally after 5 months of gloom, we have bright weather in State College. The Sun was out in full glory on Friday, the things were warming up nicely and the temperatures were in upper 20s. That's how the weather man would say in the night news on FOXS. Just add a little bit of American accent to it. 

I say it was bright because after a long time one could really see and feel that there are girls here. I mean let us put it this way. I was coming back here from Delhi, the taxi driver told me that he does not like winter for three reasons. OK. One its very cold, two roads are slippery to drive and three the girls wear too much clothing to cover themselves. I thought. Wow! Lage raho Uncleji! But on Friday I realized what he meant. People get rid off the their winter stuff, including the girls. Its a different feeling on the first day of the spring. They call it the spring semester. But the spring arrived very late indeed.

 

Things that I miss sorely

Well to all the readers. Intended and unintended once. Apologies for the grammatical and spelling mistakes in my blogs. I do not have a sound ANGREZI background, although I come from a convent school. But from now on its a promise that you would have to make lesser effort to read and understand.

So after an up and down week, I was really depressed on Sunday. Not really depressed but the comfort level wasn't there. I got up late. Ate something. Do not remember what was it. I guess might have been cereals and milk. Then I fucked the time watching two movies. Now it was already evening. I had not bathed. More frustration. I decided to go to Guntas for  chat. But I hadn't brushed my teeth either. God! A miserable day indeed.

Perhaps watching the movies made me yearn even more about being in Delhi. first I saw Rock On. Then I was really wondering what life I am leading here, without my best friends and my family. If that wasn't enough, I saw Slumdog. That was it. Seeing all sorts of people in the city and the whole city was enough. My mind just oscillated between craziness and blankness all the time there after.

One interesting observation. The hard core hindi movies just show everything which is not Indian. They would show people in there personal lives, their problems and how they fight it out or don't fight it out. They would show songs, heroines with lesser apparel, villains with metal rods and heros with chocolate sweetness. There is everything which you can fantasize about in your dreams, but never get it.

What Slumdog really did right, for which it got Oscars, was that it portrayed people in the surroundings to which they really belong. It showed people as they are in India. Simple. They showed the Taj. They showed the railways. They showed the call centre. They even showed the litter rooms. True there was a love story. But then you need one. Else there is no motive to make a movie.

When I saw people on streets, especially the girls, I really thought if the life over here is really that much worth. You really can't get a live feed of cricket matches here, only the highlights. The excitement of watching a live match is different. Now I get blankly stare at the live scorecard. The food is always not good. Then there is obviously the family. 

I remembered when I used go out for walks in the evening with mamma. We used to get fruits from our fruitwala. Sometimes I used to purchase stationery from Laxmi and Sonu would argue about the quality of things. Then we used to get bread fro the shop opposite to Laxmi. Sometimes we would buy chocolates for some occasion or no occasion. Sometime I would go to our Homeopathic Doctor for medicines, mostly for cold. Then after coming home I and Sonu would fight over turns about carrying dinner to Dadi and Baba. Then would fight again who use the internet cable.

I know that time would not come back. I guess the only memory I have had in the few months about the evenings have been getting the milk or going for badminton.

A week of unfortunate

Though I have never felt at home with this place and I think I would be saving my ass all the time that's left but this week surely stands out. It was a week pain, misery and SHOCKS.

Let's begin. Monday went through safely. I was avoiding this Chapta Prof. as he would be delegating some of the correction of the mid-term to which i am the TA. Being a TA is very interesting feeling altogether. I can now imagine the plight of the ME students in my college whom we used to mock. Though I was the nicer guys and showed them some respect but looked them with contempt at times. Life's sure is vicious circle!

So the dread mail came the Tuesday morning. Check all copies ASAP and return them by Wednesday. If that was not enough he refused to give me the key. Checking 85 copies is a lot of work. I guess more than 20 hours. I really felt screwed that day. Fucking idiot was away on conference for a week and puts the whole load on me. How do I find 20 hours in one day, when I have classes and then Badminton. The other instructor, who is a Desi, also showed a lot of attitude. Just on previous Friday she was all ready to share the correction work. But now she tells me that "I am an 'INSTRUCTOR' ". I suppose she might just be a half TA, but she is acting like a boss. Screw anybody if you get an opportunity. I guess someone might have done the same to her. Academia Sucks. 

Slowly I reconciled to the fact that I can't get around this unjustified work load. But checking 85 copies in one day is impossible. Fuck that idiot. Somehow worked in the night uptill 2:30 am and checked around first 2 questions. Next day I put him a mail that it wasn't possible for me to do meet his deadline. Again fuck him.

Wednesday went off peacefully. Except for the late night class OS. The Prof. for the course is a another Desi, perhaps a more lazier person than me. My Mamma knows that the previous statement is as true as the stars in the night sky. Nevertheless would not take his classes on there allocated times and keeps the extra class on Wednesday nights. He screws up my whole week.

Thursday morning is peaceful except for Balaji's stench. I have gotten used to it. Jagdish put some of our letters in our room the other night. Correction work is on time and I am busy working out some assignment problems for Networks. Curiously I check the pile for "SOME LETTERS" for me. And volla!! There is one from the bank. Great!! A letter from bank in almost 6 months. What!!! Three unknown online transactions. Nearly $400 gone with phone calls and web transactions. Phone transactions!!!! Even my father did not know if you could do that. I am all panicked and race to the bank, not sure what to ask for there. If that was not enough $83 more evaporate. Thankfully the lady at customer service was very helpful. She helped me file affidavits and assured me that I would my money back. She told me that this common here. Good Lord!! Anybody's hands in your pocket.  

In evening I narrated the whole event to Jagdish. His enormous understanding of the system here was very helpful in knowing what might have happened. His advice is always very helpful. I really sometimes wonder what would I have done or survived for that matter here.

I kicked the butt and went to play badminton in evening. Broke the strings. Almost all. Rajat joked saying that "GREAT PLAYERS BREAK STRINGS MORE OFTEN". Great player or a bad armature. The other day I had checked, it was fine. Fuck this week. It takes $23 to get new strings. Only consolation was that I played the doubles better than the most times. Even the chapta appreciated. Even the amro girl shook my hand, introduced herself and asked my name. 

Then the rest of the night I spent in completing the correction work. The body was beginning to loose it now, with still the last question remaining. Woke up early next morning and checked some more. Then the Desi calls up saying that Chapta has promised to show the copies today. Fuck him and her also. I was in such an inebriated state that I could hardly talk to anyone with some dignity. Anyways I was able to finish the work by 1 pm. Went and enjoyed the footlong at the Subway. 

I kept the evening for my friend from Pakistan, Asad. I planned with him to see a movie at the HUB. Asad was one of the few people that I had some interaction with in the first semester. I just lost contact with him since returning back from India. The movie was so abstract that I could hardly understand anything. Also could not decipher "QUANTUM OF SOLACE". I guess I should just go home and sleep and hope that the next week would be a tad better. We had pizza . Talked about cricket. And some usual guys stuff. Soon Madhav and his friends arrived. Felt a little better now.

Only hope that nothing of this happens again, so that I do not have to write such a blog and you people do not have to read a big one.

430$ of fraud

The most dangerous and biggest frauds in America are the IDENTITY THEFTS. And I am writing this piece as this week I was the victim of that. 

Its early Thursday morning and I am freaking out of this networks assignment and the sudden and unjustified correction of the mid - term of the class to which I am the TA. I see a pile of letters in the room and curiously check them to find if there are any for me. I have received very less letters since my arrival here and most of the letters are Balaji's bank transactions or his parking tickets. But I manage to find one. One from the bank.

And lo! Three online transactions back to back on the 17th and the 19th. Two of them web and one ifs a telephone. Telephone!!! This is the last surprise one wants early in the morning. I am all shaken up and wrap up the homework quickly and put the fucking papers in a plastic bag and rush to the bank. All way things kept cropping in my mind:- withdraw all money, create a scene at bank. I check my balance at the bank. 83$ more gone. Now I am car without a brake. I approach the lady at the customer service and tell her all my story. I am angry and terrified. Fear of losing my support for the summers over here.

She listens calmly and then makes a few calls, contacts the concerned companies and helps me file an affidavit for getting my back. It takes an hour and i am missing the OS lecture. That did not concern me one bit. This is MY money. I earned it. Joking. I would have been more concerned if it were my parent's money.

Everything said and done. I return home and talk to Jagdish about it. His rich knowledge begins to flow and I am all ears. He puts a lot of possibilities affront such as the Debit Card theft, the cheque number fraud etc. I do not own a debit card and if that was the case then the person knew a lot about me, my SSN , my postal address and my DoB. First time after months I was thinking like a detective.

He tells me to get my facts right about the transactions right and know all about banking here. He said be very careful about your money here. He says that this is perhaps the downside of having a highly technological edge in very possible field. It gives the bad a very fair chance of wrecking havoc on you.

Do not know whether the money will come back or more money would go(hope not. I blocked all debits. But then who knows!). First time I clearly understood the difference between the CREDIT and DEBIT. Yes! I never thought it was important at all. Big lessons learnt. Watch your money(oxygen) all the time.

Old Nemesis VHDL

So the old enemy VHDL is back.

Valentine's Day

So this year also a quite valentine for me. But I am sure people back had an eventful one. Especially when Ram Sena is hell bent on getting you married to someone you are standing by (I really do not mind this). More pink chadis for them.

Something special this time around. Obviously the first one in US but there is more to it. I saw girls carrying flowers, some only one while some many. I guess a simple mathematical concept of ratios. Funnier side was this while couples were hoping on the 'R' with flower and those strange emotions, I was struggling with those heavy bags of groceries for the coming week.

Balaji was as his usual arrogant and self-celebrating. But that day even he felt the pinch. Although I listen to him as much as I do to my Dadi but that for the first time we shared the same pain. Back at a friend's place the mood is sombre. It all started to get to me slowly. Homesick again! This time big time! 

Third World

No puns intended this time. So its about the general view about India here. Still India is treated as a third world country here. There is no talk about India in all the economic arguments that you listen on TV's here. All they care is calling us the third world.

Every now then they would say that this third world country contemplating something. What's even more disturbing is the viewpoint of my room-mates. Moron Balaji is ready to go and work in China if he does not get a job here. And Jagdish just frowns his nose upon any question raised by me on India.

Thing is we maybe the second fastest growing economies and maybe the reason to take these autocratic people out of the present recession but still we remain the third world and a place to wash dirty linen (Remember BUSH when he accused us of eating more when food crisis happened) . I think what I gather after being here for six months is that people recognize you more as an Indian but not as someone from India. Not sure what to write. But that's the way it is here.

Forever Online

People all over the world remember God when they need Him the most (like me). They say "he Bagwan". Though there is a lot controversy if He exists but let us assume that he does. And he has to be wake all time to cater everybody. 

But some people have become more online than Him. Whenever I log into gmail (probably Google's most addictive product) I see couple of people always online. Don't want to name them but they are surely the God's of the gmail. Lets call them Gmailwan!

OF BROKEN RACKET

So the badminton has become an on and off thing recently. But still its too mouth watering to resist. Beating the my old nemesis, the cold, I was back on courts. I don't seem to enjoy the doubles. Its too difficult for someone as new as me. The placement has to immaculate 80-90% times, else your opponent would kill you. Still I am average and hope to improve in future.

I got to play with Sudarshan after a long time. I wanted to see how mich I had improved. To my surprise I actually had. Lesser smashes down my legs, sometimes he was running around and I was dictating terms. My timing had become better and I was watching the shuttle better. But as little technicalities are take care of other issues like stamina and agility on court become more important parameters. It was only a 15 minute hit but I was already all sweaty and panting badly. But these are not major issues.

So after two near losses, we started playing with another pair. I was paired with this chapta who is I guess the GOD player. As expected I was the bottleneck and we are already behind 3-5. Cat among pigeons. And I am moving all around the court sometimes taking his shots also. And it finally happened. A high shuttle towards the back of the court and we both raced. I am much tller than him and hit the shuttle with good power. But I also collide with the chapta. And some loud noise. His racket fractured badly from the middle. The loss of the racket proved too much for him and he clearly looked all shaken up. I went up and apologized. He took in the lighter vain but I knew he was upset. Loss of 120$ racket or anything in a flash is difficult for anyone.

All the chaptas near were uttering some chinese gibberish. Surely they were giving of lot of bad mouth to me. They might have expressed a little emotion for the chapta but more abuse at me. I simply hated thesec chapte for this. There talk is sometimes so annoying that you feel like hiting them. Nevertheless I was also all upset and caught the next bus to home.

The good thing was my racket survived the accident. I could hardly imagine before the incident that something of that could happen to any racket. The metal frame is too fragile I guess. But then you really can't imagine that anything could happen to your car unless it really does. Lesson learnt.

Some new people

So I was still on apartment hunt on this Monday. I went to see some North Indian Desi people in Parkway. Again people from the same old age group of 28-30. However hard you may try, its very difficult to come to the same wavelength with people with some offset with your age. You talk with them with respect. That 'JI' word. The 'AAP' work. Literally and figuratively. The comfort level does not come.

After few usual intro questions, I was offered Beer. 'Beer'. My adviser in India, on my recent visit, popped his first question that "did you drink BEER in America?". I told that I had plenty of it here. Not plenty. But still I drank it almost at every special gathering. Then every-time when I got a chance on flight.I gladly took the BEER. Then I was offered 'Smoke'. No thanks.

To all Those Uninvited Readers

Last few days, I have observed that some uninvited people have been reading the blog. Not that the material is copyrighted, but still I should know the intended audience. Like know my Mamma reads it. Some contents on the blogs are serious GUY's stuff. I mean Mamma you are not on Orkut. So the Uninvited Readers are requested to please at least leave a note appreciation or critic.

'g', 'a', 'u', 'r', 'a', 'v'

International students always have a big problem in communicating the right pronunciation of their names. Specially this semester has been really bad. In past two weeks I have at least spelled out my name to ten different people and all the culprits have Americans.

When I first arrived and met my adviser he pronounced my name as 'Guraav'. This was interesting as it sounded something different. Soon most of the people of the lab started calling me 'Guraav'. But soon a week later it was the usual boring 'Gaurav'. But it was a pleasant surprise. Some different sound.

But this semester my teacher in Numerical Computations class has had a hard time pronouncing my name. So we communicate by spelling out my name letter by letter. So if I go to collect my homework, I tell her 'g', 'u','p', 't','a' or 'g', 'a', 'u', 'r', 'a', 'v'. She sometimes have a laugh about it. And so do I. Its something that never happened to me in India.

Americans are very casual about their names. Christopher becomes 'Chris', Thomas become 'Tom', Mathew becomes 'Matt'. Not that it something offending or bad, but its a real pain to the TAs who have to check the assignments. While the official entry is 'Christopher', they would write 'Chris' in their assignments. Its all very confusing and a time consuming affair to resolve the ambiguity.

Sometimes I do think, that why don't we assign numbers instead of numbers. Something like an SSN or passport number. Or something on the lines of the IDEA ad in India having Abhishek Bachchan. This a great IDEA. No more ambiguity of pronunciation and shorthands. Everybody has a number having universally known digits.

I have chosen a number for myself: 42023420

The Russian Hat

The maximum heat is radiated out of your head. Time to cover your head. As the temperature drop in State College, the clothing increases proportionally. Muffler, gloves, jacket and finally the cap. Its a lot of clothing. It takes five minutes to dress and probably the same time to undress. Sometimes you feel strange to carry all these around. But they are extremely essential.

So I have cap which has an ugly brown color with ear protection. I bought before coming to State College. As the temperatures dropped to ridiculously lower levels, I had no options than to wear it. I never like to wear a winter cap and my mother would know that. As a kid I used hide the cap so that my mother could not find it. She took me to every possible shop in Model Town, but I won't budge. Sometimes it was the color and sometimes it was the coarseness of the cap. Tired she would buy me something and put it on my head next morning. I still remember when my Papa would drop me off at school and as soon as the sound of his old pristine scooter would disappear the cap would come off. But that was Delhi and not State College.

So the brown winter cap is on my head where ever I go. On streets and sometimes in IST. As the winter became more severe so were the curious looks of the people towards me. First I ignored but soon it became very uncomfortable. On streets girls and boys would give me stare. I really do not mind a girl stare but I lot of staring is certainly uninvited.

But then one of my friends saw my cap and remarked that it was a Russian Hat. A Russian Hat! That explains the whole staring issue. A Desi wearing a Russian Hat does not digest at all. This gives rise to a lot of crazy questions in everybody's minds. Like, A desi born in Des, migrated to Russia and then to America. Or, A Russian moving to India and then US. Or........Possibilities are endless.

Pet cat 200$ security deposit

So this about the apartment hunt over last few days. Its strange. You start looking and booking of an apartment 8 months in advance and you shift into the place only in early August. Guess the population in State College has increased in last few years. May the economy also show similar trends. God Bless Obama.

So the search began at the HUB. Collecting pamphlets and discussion are two things that one does here. Then an on site unit inspection is mandatory. But for a Desi the ever rising prices are the biggest heartache. The prices are ridiculously high when compared with what I am paying at Southgate. But that's a place I just loathe for both obvious and non-obvious reasons. Parkway looked way better and Executive Houses are also great place to live.

But the most interesting is the security fee for the pets. In Executive Houses you pay something like 200$ as the initial security for the cat. And then you pay 20$ per month. Ridiculous!! And how do you decide how much of the cat security to return. By the number of reports of the neighbors that your cat scared them or the number of times the cat was found wanting by dirtying the place around. God knows!

But that's a very interesting observation here. The number of people having pets here is significantly higher than back in India. My neighbor has three pet dogs of three different sizes and personalities. You see a cat almost everywhere. I asked Jagdish why was it this way here and if something is wrong with the people over here. First he is offended since his parents have pets. But then he says that a pet would always pamper(not sure if this is right word to use) and love you when you come back home whereas your own child may not show that love. They always follow you when you come back home and would never turn their back on you. 

That's why maybe this country looks sad and alone. People look at animals for love and affection, unheard of in India. Not that people do not have pets in India but I always thought that they were for fun. But they could be a commodity to replace humans and their emotions is a fact I came to know here. I guess then 200$ are worth then.